Country Dancing Tips

Alright folks, well I finally did it... I went country dancing with a group of friends that have been asking me now for three years... and while it was actually a fun experience, I do have some commentary (surprised?). Let me first point out that I left the dancing hall after 2.5 hours of dancing too nauseous to stand up straight, with the room still spinning... and spent the rest of the night hoovering over a toilet. I'm not sure if this is the point of country dancing, but I learned some lessons in the experience.

1. Height- You know when you are on the freeway and there are overpasses and they have a 10' clearance sign on them? Perhaps the same signs should be plastered over certain men so that women know to say no. When you are a good foot shorter than the girl you ask to dance AND you are a whipty-flipper (as I like to call them), or someone who dances real fast with a lot of spins... just remember the clearance sign on the freeway. "Man points" for asking, yes. But I must have banged my head twenty times on the guys short arm, lost my grip, AND to top it all off... messed up my hair... which (to translate for the men out there) is just as bad as breaking a nail. 
2. Tempo- Now being that I danced with a bunch of white boys, I guess I can't really expect much when it comes to having rhythm, but if you just like to whip girls around to show off... make sure that it is at least on beat. When what could be considered a slowish song comes on and a guy is throwing a girl across the dance floor... she totally looses her timing and chaos ensues. Find the beat boys... find the beat. :)
3. Asking- Nothing could be more awkward when a guy comes up to a group of girls and says: "Do any of you know how to dance the [fancy-schmancy (I can't remember)] dance/step?" and you don't. This happened to me and some friends. All three of us didn't know the dance for starters, but when we said we didn't, he was still standing there. Unsure what to do, the following commentary ensued "well, are you looking for someone to learn?" (silence) "I might know it, is it like the [other fancy-schmancy] dance?" (silence) "Do you want me to try?" (silence)... then he said "ok, well thanks anyway" and left. Dude, step off... you did not just do that. Nu-uh (snap)!
4. Equilibrium check- If you are finally asking a girl that you have seen dancing all night, and have your big break... you need to do her a favor because most nice girls will rarely say no when someone asks them to dance. You need to give her the equilibrium check. Ask her to stand straight without swaying, and even walk in a straight line. Ok, yes this is also called a sobriety check... but whether it is for dizziness or drunkenness this test will be helpful because both result in unpleasantness all over everyone. If she doesn't check out... walk her outside or to the drinking fountain or something... then ask her after a dance or two. You'll get your chance and she'll thank you for it.
5. Honesty- When a girl asks you if you are good as you are walking out to the dance floor, she is usually checking to see if you are a crazy spinning expert. And if you say "I only know a few moves" and then become a full-blown Tasmanian devil... I'm not sure the woman is thinking what you want them to. I'm sure the intended inner-dialogue would have been "wow- he's amazing, I love him!" However, if you are dancing with a beginner to intermediate dancer... it's more like "*(* #(*#()$ ()(#!"

Ok, that'll do it for now. Overall, it was really fun... however, just like everything else, it is only a small few that cause the rules to be so strict, but at least I can now target one or two perpetrators... so Reggie if you're out there... next time I'm saying no.