Let's be friends...
What does the age old classic phrase... "let's be friends" really mean? If we were to break it down, the word "friends" couldn't be a more ambiguous term. It seems there are people we hate/enemies and those we romantically love. Friends is a catch-all for every other relationship we have in between. I sit back and laugh at the fact that we offer this phrase as a peacepipe when presented with separation of any sort, because what we offer is our interpretation of friendship. For some it is constant contact, others a wave in the hall, or the ever classic virtual "facebook friend."
If we are looking purely at romantic relationships, the term "let's be friends" usually means two things 1) to the breaker-uper it is merely a way to make things smooth before they totally phase out of your life, 2) to the break-upee it means a half a step down from relationship, where all you do is take away the "benefits" but still expect the same undivided attention, as an attempt to hold on and needlessly hope for the .01% chance of something happening in the future. Ohhh, then the awkward struggle between both definitions until finally person number two concludes that person one is the biggest jerk ever and moves on- unconsciously submitting to person one's definition (because let's face it ya'll, person two will never totally let go until they find someone new).
I find it ironic that the person wanting less... almost always wins. Why not the other way? Curious. When someone breaks up with another, can the break-upee say no? Hardly...
Usually friendship means that you care on some level for that person. On a care scale of one to ten, that person most likely falls at about 4-6. In reality, given that most people have a wealth of friends... how can we care for anyone above a 2 without overextending ourselves, unless we hone in on only one or two friends at a time- but then what of the others? Care equates effort/time/attention. Or does it?
Additionally, where do we put ourselves on that scale... if it is at a 7 or 8 it doesn't seem feasible that we would even have time for a small handful of friends, not to mention the hundreds that we most likely have... and growing. Do we put an end to this ever increasing friend time monopoly? A strike to meeting new people?
Hats off to people like Mother Theresa who have taken themselves off the scale altogether- allowing for more room and impact on the caring scale for others. Perhaps taking ourselves off the scale is the only way we truly can "be friends."
If we are looking purely at romantic relationships, the term "let's be friends" usually means two things 1) to the breaker-uper it is merely a way to make things smooth before they totally phase out of your life, 2) to the break-upee it means a half a step down from relationship, where all you do is take away the "benefits" but still expect the same undivided attention, as an attempt to hold on and needlessly hope for the .01% chance of something happening in the future. Ohhh, then the awkward struggle between both definitions until finally person number two concludes that person one is the biggest jerk ever and moves on- unconsciously submitting to person one's definition (because let's face it ya'll, person two will never totally let go until they find someone new).
I find it ironic that the person wanting less... almost always wins. Why not the other way? Curious. When someone breaks up with another, can the break-upee say no? Hardly...
Usually friendship means that you care on some level for that person. On a care scale of one to ten, that person most likely falls at about 4-6. In reality, given that most people have a wealth of friends... how can we care for anyone above a 2 without overextending ourselves, unless we hone in on only one or two friends at a time- but then what of the others? Care equates effort/time/attention. Or does it?
Additionally, where do we put ourselves on that scale... if it is at a 7 or 8 it doesn't seem feasible that we would even have time for a small handful of friends, not to mention the hundreds that we most likely have... and growing. Do we put an end to this ever increasing friend time monopoly? A strike to meeting new people?
Hats off to people like Mother Theresa who have taken themselves off the scale altogether- allowing for more room and impact on the caring scale for others. Perhaps taking ourselves off the scale is the only way we truly can "be friends."
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