Gaining Weight
I've been silent about dating for awhile because I think this last year has been pretty hard on me and I just don't like to talk about it. I used to be able to turn pain into jest and be able to move on but sometimes things are too hard and I can't find the strength.
I've been dealing with a personal struggle. Well... all my life, really. I'm not one of those girls that can ever enjoy the luxury of not having to work hard to stay fit. But as we all know, working out is hard work... it's pain. But I've finally realized why women gain weight when they go through a heartbreak, and I'd like to help those on the outside see.
Women feel deeply. When a man breaks our hearts, our whole world shatters and pain overwhelms us. The only cure seems to be sleep. For me, I never wanted to wake up... because the only thing waiting for me is pain. My friends use to say... go to the gym and burn off some steam, and often I would. But I often wouldn't be fueled by much and when you pair pain with more pain, it's exasperation... and I've come close to feeling like my heart is going to explode... or even fainting. Who would want to go and do that every day? Guys seem to turn pain into fuel, some girls can I guess. But I guess I'm different. But seeing that all I was doing was adding pain to my life, it wasn't long before I began desperately to search for something that brought me any glimmer of joy.
In grad school I learned about the pedagogy of discomfort. It's the theory that humans don't like to be in a place of discomfort and will do what they have to to find a place of comfort again. Well, I think that applies to women during hard times, which is why they gain weight. Or in the case of several, change habits to find joy. Some people's change of habits doesn't affect them quite as bad, but for people like me... going without working out takes an effect. A cruel irony in a search for joy. But if anything else, it has made my heart grow towards those like me. But I guess I do have one comment for men:
Guys: Being a woman is a lot harder than it looks, so please show some sympathy... we really are trying to be skinny for you.
I've been dealing with a personal struggle. Well... all my life, really. I'm not one of those girls that can ever enjoy the luxury of not having to work hard to stay fit. But as we all know, working out is hard work... it's pain. But I've finally realized why women gain weight when they go through a heartbreak, and I'd like to help those on the outside see.
Women feel deeply. When a man breaks our hearts, our whole world shatters and pain overwhelms us. The only cure seems to be sleep. For me, I never wanted to wake up... because the only thing waiting for me is pain. My friends use to say... go to the gym and burn off some steam, and often I would. But I often wouldn't be fueled by much and when you pair pain with more pain, it's exasperation... and I've come close to feeling like my heart is going to explode... or even fainting. Who would want to go and do that every day? Guys seem to turn pain into fuel, some girls can I guess. But I guess I'm different. But seeing that all I was doing was adding pain to my life, it wasn't long before I began desperately to search for something that brought me any glimmer of joy.
In grad school I learned about the pedagogy of discomfort. It's the theory that humans don't like to be in a place of discomfort and will do what they have to to find a place of comfort again. Well, I think that applies to women during hard times, which is why they gain weight. Or in the case of several, change habits to find joy. Some people's change of habits doesn't affect them quite as bad, but for people like me... going without working out takes an effect. A cruel irony in a search for joy. But if anything else, it has made my heart grow towards those like me. But I guess I do have one comment for men:
Guys: Being a woman is a lot harder than it looks, so please show some sympathy... we really are trying to be skinny for you.
Comments
I don't seem to have a problem finding a man to date me for a little while, but I sure do have problems keeping them.
As fates would go, I've been having a rougher time with one guy in particular as of late.
So what makes me feel better? I certainly sympathize with not being able to exercise rightly cause it adds hurt to hurt and your body and mind are exhausted, yet I know that if I DON'T exercise, I'll become even MORE depressed because of the weight.
So if I exercise I can have food, right? Well then my body pulls this whole act where I CAN'T eat...no appetite. I actually kinda gauge how much I liked the guy I was dating by how soon my appetite comes back:-) Last week, for ONE night I had an appetite and I ate SO much that I almost let it all come back out every time I bent over. So not good.
I also know the feeling of just wanting to sleep, but when you lay down to sleep, your mind wanders and there is pain. But sleep is good. But then you wake up and it is like an elephant is sitting on your chest.
And let's not even get into how crazies get me working in front of a computer with VERY easy access to google and facebook and...yeah...it's like a stalker takes over my body and searches away.
I also try to find something different to do - something outside of my routine, but none of those things seem to be working this time - a tasty treat, a trip, a new dress, cleaning, a new class of some sort, auditioning for a show...ugh...
I don't like knowing I've got others in my company in this situation, but I do like knowing someone out there totally gets it:-)