Indecent Proposal

So, ok... so over the years I've watched many friends get engaged and I have silently noticed a distorted phenomenon in regards to the ever anticipated and overly emphasized marriage proposal. But I will be silent no more... something needs to be said! I think more than anything else... proposals have morphed into "ring presentation ceremonies." For instance, a couple will decide to get married through several preempted conversations. But ohhhh wait... it's not over yet. Then a man is forced to "propose," because the woman wants a romantic story to tell her friends, even though the decision is already made and the answer known. So this becomes a huge extravaganza: for instance a friend recently went over to his girlfriend's (but really... fiancee's) house in the morning, told her it was "the day"... sent her to a day spa, then picked her up and took her to a spot up the canyon where he had a generator, rose petals everywhere, twinkly lights, dinner, and iPod playing all the songs they loved. Or with some of my other friends, there is the ever popular recreation of the first date... for instance fireworks going off illegally in a park in December to simulate the 4th of July. While this sounds romantic... don't be fooled, I think the meaning of romance is slightly lost here.

First, let's talk about romance. Romance is getting caught up in a meaningful moment with someone. Some people try to simulate romantic emotion through well known "methods"... but where did these methods come from? They came from couples sharing meaningful moments together and then sharing that story. Moments became romantic because of the meaning behind it... not because it was generated... but truly felt. Thus, for a girl like me, most contrived romance attempts fail.

When I was proposed to awhile ago, it was a similar situation as other friends I've described above... and while things were all playing out, I couldn't help but think how cheesy it all was. Rose petals, candles, tiaras? I think I even tried to make myself cry because I always wanted to cry during my proposal... but that wasn't the emotion I was feeling in the moment. I was just trying to focus on not getting weird tingles from all the cheesiness. My roommates and I all agree... it is playing on generated emotions, not organic emotions. It's was a ring presentation ceremony... I mean if that's really what it is... might as well whip out the projector and pull a Michael Scott showing the "people of Scranton"... or the moments of the relationship PowerPoint. Cheese!

But so many engaged or married people I have talked to have said that it is nearly impossible for a Mormon to be engaged by surprise. But why? My guy friends have all said that they don't want to propose unless they know that the girl is going to marry them, or that they both know that it is right. What? Where is the moxie? I say (to the guys), if you decide you love her and want to marry her, ask! This doesn't mean that you can't have a conversation about the future to gauge how she might respond, but I would leave the details of praying about it to the individual, since each has to make a separate decision. If a man wants to marry a girl, that's when he should ask, ring or no ring.

My roommate had a friend who had the following proposal story, which will serve as an good example: Her roommate and this guy had been dating awhile. She knew she loved him, but he had never said that he loved her... he pulled away for about two weeks, and left to go to Texas and think about things. She was crying a lot, because she didn't know what was going on. He came back and arranged for a substitute teacher to take her class, and picked her up, took her snowmobiling, and found a overlook... and just started talking to her about what he was thinking and where he had been... and then told her that he loved her and pulled out a ring and proposed. That my friends is truly romantic!! All tears real...

But since I'm going to be marrying a real man with chutzpa, this blog is really for him... so that he won't have to consult me on any of the details. :) And hey, if you can really surprise me, I'll probably say yes. So here are the details:

1. Ring- 1 carat solitaire (the rest you can decide), or a vintage ring that has a story.
   
2. Proposal- private, not public
3. Make it natural... apart of something we would already love to do.
   

Ok, so my roommates were talking about this last night, and we actually ALL agree that we would like to be surprised, so this is a shout out to their potential husbands.

Lindsey A

1. Ring- Vintage looking ring, not trendy, no gaudiness... consult me for the details.
2. Proposal- Private, not public
3. Permission from father first

Lindsey S

1. Ring- Simple, no floofiness on the band... it could have more than one diamond but it would have to be on the side, and she doesn't want it to be a ring that catches on things or gives her blisters.
2. Proposal- Private, not public.
3. Permission from father first

I just had another friend agree and request that her information go public as well, and I'm all about helping any and all friends have a surprise proposal... so here ya go girl...

Jessika W

1. Ring- Halo ring with princess cut diamond (the halo makes the diamond look bigger!), or if we’re on a budget just get me an anniversary band with princess cut diamonds and two simple bands to go on either side of it.
2. Proposal- Private –while we’re snowshoeing, hiking, picnicking, stargazing, etc.
3. No permission necessary! My mom will already know about you and approve of you even if she hasn’t met you and my dad doesn’t really play a big part in my life.

Alright men... that should cover it. Good luck all future contenders. :)