Open Casting Call...
I'm even inviting dating strategies you've always wanted to try... let's do it up. Give it the ol' college try, because frankely I'm bored of dating, and trying new dating strategies, no matter how random could be fun. Because let's face it, I'm not attracted to most of the guys that ask me out and while I'm sure there's a theory in the making there, I need to call in the so-called-experts.
I will say that over the years, then number one thing I've been told is to "give him a chance"... um, what the heck are you talking about? A chance is dinner... right? And while I'm joking, kinda, how do you give someone a chance if they are already pretty intersted in you and you aren't there yet. Ahhh... this needs some defining for the thick-skulled. :)
So there you go... challenge extended. I'll be sure and publish my results and findings... you know I already do, so this could be fun... ready, set, go!
Comments
http://www.amazon.com/Marry-Him-Case-Settling-Enough/dp/B00403NFUK/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1302294375&sr=8-1
Michelle W. once suggested that I ask anyone and everyone to set me up. I guess some relation of hers did it and is having some success.
Here are a few dating suggestions. Sometimes it worked for me, sometimes it didn't.
1. Make it a goal to got out on as many dates as possible. Never say "no" unless you have something that you absolutely can't get out of (and hanging out with your girlfriends should never be a reason to say no) a date with a boy should always trump girls night out. But if you HAVE to say no, then suggest times you are available, even if he isn't that cute. Some times you become more attracted to a guy as you get to know him, not every time, but every once in a while that does happen. So don't deprive yourself of that opportunity based on your first impression. First impressions are often deceiving.... he could be the man of your dreams.
2. Flirt. Throw out as many smiles as you can. Stick around after activities or get-togethers and mingle with the guys. Don't be the first to leave.
3. This is a hard one, but try to go to places where there are single guys. It's easy to stay home on the weekends, especially after a long day/week of work. But try to do something or put yourself in a place where you can meet someone new at least once a week. You won't get dates by sitting at home. Even if it's going to Betos on a Friday night, or sitting out side the MBA lounge or Law School Library. Sure there will be married guys in all these places too, but the single guys pay attention to cute girls in the vicinity and if you can catch their eye, maybe they will make a move.
Well... that's all I got for now. If I think of anything else, I'll post it. :)
It's good to know what you want but sometimes someone will surprise you even if you initially think you would never be interested!
Jared always talks about the "checklist" that girls make growing up of the perfect guy and how if we just stick to that list we'll never find someone that meets all of those items. It's good to know what we want but we have to realize that no one is perfect and there are a lot of good qualities in people that would make them amazing spouses and with whom we can be happy and in love!
You are awesome!!!
For me things started to turn around in my dating life when I really tried to be the person I wanted to marry (that means that list you have in YW applies to you too not just to the guy). That also meant doing the spiritual, temporal, material, moral, work ethic things I wanted in a spouse I should hold myself too also. This helped me to realize that you can't expect perfection because no one is perfect but as long as that person had a goal of constantly improving themselves like I did I knew it would work out. Sister Clark (wife of BYU-ID president) said in a devotional "if I would have stuck to the list I made in YW I would have never married Pres. Clark" she went on to say that over time and helping each other they have fulfilled everything on the list.
If your expectations are on a different level from where you are then that person isn't going to want to date you because they are looking for someone that has the same goals as them.
I'm not saying not to have anything in common with a person but not everything has to be lined up perfect, I think even in a perfect relationship there are going to be bumps in the road so expecting perfection isn't realistic. But expecting some one to try to hold themselves to a standard is great and shows their own character.
But you won't find this out unless you really get to know someone instead of just a one and done date (if he is a decent guy). However, there is a balance between giving a chance and holding on too long you have to know how to move on also. When Lori rejected me straight up I moved on because it wasn't worth my time to keep holding on. Then she came back and we worked things out.
Also I made sure I was happy with myself that could mean getting in shape, having a job I liked, or something like that. But just being happy with my life was important because if you aren't people can see that and that isn't attractive.
I always tried to be places where I would want my future spouse to be. Through one semester I averaged 2 dates a week (being the boy I had more control over this, and it hurt the wallet...but it helped)and would make sure to go to institute, firesides, devotionals, anything and everything. But I would also avoid placed I wouldn't expect my wife to be like stupid freshman parties or things like that. I would also ditch the guys nights or stuff like that for a date in a heart beat.
I also agree with what Laura and Lori said.
So in conclusion my motto became "be the person I want to marry" and I think that lead into everything else I did.
Behold, if ye will awake and arouse your faculties, even to an experiment upon my words, and exercise a particle of faith, yea, even if ye can no more than desire to date, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye can give place for a portion of my words.
Now, we will compare love unto a seed. Now, if ye give place, that a man may be planted in your heart, behold, if he be a true man, or a good man, if ye do not cast him out because of your list, that ye will resist the Spirit of the Lord, behold, love will begin to swell within your breasts; and when you feel these swelling motions, ye will begin to say within yourself—It must needs be that this is a great guy, or that the man is good, for he beginneth to ENLARGE MY SOUL; yea, he beginneth to ENLIGHTEN MY UNDERSTANDING, yea, he beginneth to be DELICIOUS to me.
Now behold, would not this increase your dates? I say unto you, Yea; nevertheless it hath not grown up to a perfect knowledge that he is the one.
But behold, as the love swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow, then you must needs say that the man is good; for behold love swelleth, and sprouteth, and beginneth to grow. And now, behold, will not this strengthen your relationship? Yea, it will strengthen your relationship: for ye will say I know that this is a good man; for behold love sprouteth and beginneth to grow.
And now, behold, are ye sure that this is a good man? I say unto you, Yea; for every man bringeth forth unto his own likeness.
O then, is not this real? I say unto you, Yea, because it is light; and whatsoever is light, is good, because it is discernible, therefore ye must know that it is good; and now behold, after ye have tasted this light is your knowledge perfect?
Behold I say unto you, Nay; neither must ye lay aside your faith, for ye have only exercised your faith to plant the seed that ye might try the experiment to know if the seed was good.
And behold, as the love beginneth to grow, ye will say: Let us nourish it with great care, that it may get root, that it may grow up, and bring forth fruit unto us. And now behold, if ye nourish it with much care it will get root, and grow up, and bring forth fruit.
But if ye neglect the love, and take no thought for its nourishment, behold it will not get any root; and when the heat of the sun cometh and scorcheth it, because it hath no root it withers away, and ye pluck it up and cast it out.
Now, this is not because the man was not good, neither is it because the fruit thereof would not be desirable; but it is because your ground is barren, and ye will not nourish the love, therefore ye cannot have the fruit thereof.
And thus, if ye will not nourish the relationship, looking forward with an eye of faith to the fruit thereof, ye can never pluck of the fruit of celestial marriage.
But if ye will nourish the relationship, yea, nourish the love as it beginneth to grow, by your faith with great diligence, and with patience, looking forward to the fruit thereof, it shall take root; and behold it shall be an eternal love springing up unto everlasting life.
And because of your diligence and your faith and your patience with the relationship in nourishing it, that it may take root in you, behold, by and by ye shall pluck the fruit thereof, which is most precious, which is sweet above all that is sweet, and which is white above all that is white, yea, and pure above all that is pure; and ye shall feast upon this thy posterity even until ye are filled, that ye hunger not, neither shall ye thirst.
Then, Camille, ye shall areap the rewards of your faith, and your diligence, and patience, and long-suffering, by acting upon the love which brings forth eternal marriage unto you.
and as for the 'give him a chance' thing: i found that if i went into a relationship (even from the first date) expecting anything, i was usually disappointed. i found that i had to be as open as possible to him, to anything about him, and as long as there weren't any major red flags (personality conflicts, differences in familial expectations, etc), i would give him a second date if he asked. with guys (99.9% of the time), what you see is what you get. you just have to get past the formal/awkward/newness of a first date or two. give them a chance to be comfortable with you so they can really be themselves. and hopefully, you'll find that you're responding in a similar way. it's kind of unfair to the guy to not give him more than a first date, just because you both need to get past the reservation that comes with meeting/dating for the first time.
and the same goes with being attracted to them. my 30-something brother in law is still single and hardly goes on dates because there aren't any girls that he finds drop-dead gorgeous from hello. a guy really can become more attractive as you get to know him, even if you aren't attracted to him at all, initially. that one i know from experience. :)
and really, all this boils down to is: time. give the guy some time to be comfortable around you, open up a bit, and see if there's anything there between you two. time, time, time.